I don't belong here...

I always seem to be waiting for the next thing, the next move, the next event. More than likely the next move because I have moved over 35 times. I have lived in the Mid-West, down South, out West, and over seas. My husband has been on the seas for months at a time. He has been places I can't even pronounce! Most people travel all over searching, hoping to stumble upon a place that fits them just right. A place where they can throw down their pack, set up shop, breathe a sigh of relief and say, "This is it, this is where I belong."

We are currently in the process of closing on a house. For the past year I have secretly convinced myself that once we purchase a home, I will no longer be waiting for the next thing. Well, that was only fun while it lasted, because purchasing a home has not assuaged the feeling of being a vagabond. And that's okay.

Not belonging here has not always been okay with me. With each move that has occurred, the desire for a place to belong has grown greater. Maybe the roach filled residence in South Carolina kicked this into high gear; I'm tempted to say yes. Whatever the contributing factors may be, I can no longer ignore this growing desire to belong. I thought it could be ignored with the purchase of a house, that way I could lay it aside and deal with it when we move next. I was trying to do that, and I thought I was being successful. This morning, after the man of the house (I use that term loosely, as we are currently living in a hotel) went to work, I was able to spend some sweet time in prayer with Father. It was during this time that I was reminded of all the devotions I would give my girls at Camp Tapawingo from Philippians 3:20.
"For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ."
Of course I don't belong here, I'm not even a citizen here! So then, why am I trying so very hard to find a place to belong? I already know where I belong. I belong in Christ, and I eagerly wait for His return, "the appearing of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds." (Titus 2:14)
Suddenly I am disgusted by my continual efforts to belong. I want to zip up my suitcase and give it to the man who daily begs on the street near our hotel. While I understand he may not appreciate a whole heap of women's clothes, the desire for simplicity is overwhelming. Who needs a house? A colony of carefully duct-taped cardboard boxes would suffice. This is exactly how I felt when I returned home from India, but that was for a totally different reason. Then I was overwhelmed by American luxury, now, I am overwhelmed by how I have thought luxury will bring me what only Christ can.
I do not think owning a home is evil, and being involved in a community is not bad. Having a place to call "home" is one of the things I loved most about growing up. Yet, when our identity comes from anything other than Christ, we have an issue on our hands. Philippians 3:7-21 is an excellent passage that reminds us where our focus needs to be. I hope that I can daily echo the words of Paul in verses 7-8: "But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ."